Brand new year, brand new beginning.
Looking back, I haven't really made many friends. I'm not sure why I can't make friends, but it bothers me a lot. But right now, I start to realize that the number of friends I have don't matter at all. All I have to know is that at least I have friends that'll be there for me when I fall.
Even though I don't have many friends, it's okay. I used to struggle a lot, felt insecure at many things and having low self confidence. But there were friends who were willing to be there for me. It was a total breakthrough this year, but I guess I somehow learned how to handle it.
Sometimes, I seriously feel stressed out when I told my friends, "Ya know, I really don't have many friends.", and my friends will just tell me to quit joking. I mean even if I was lying, what benefit will it bring me? I don't get why "I" look like I have many friends, even though I don't.
I lost friends that were really important to me. Maybe it was like nothing for that person, but it means a lot to me. I just don't understand why people(or perhaps friends) always don't get the facts right before taking sides. It happened to me once. My friend was listening to the other party's story, but she didn't listen to mine. So eventually, and obviously, my friend will leave my side. I was confronted. To be honest, I was really feeling rather nervous about it since it was my first time. And I ended crying. But it was not because I was afraid, it was because the person who I believed was my friend, did not help me. I took such a huge courage talking to her but she didn't even bother looking at me. I'm not trying to gain any sympathy and this paragraph actually meant nothing. I just want to throw out all the bad memories since today is the last day of 2012 and I want to start my new year clean and fresh.
Many things happened, and I was misunderstood by many things. Most of the time when all I wanted was to dissolve the misunderstanding, it'll make me look like I'm a bad person. When my intentions was good, they mistook it as bad. So right now, I don't really bother to do anything if I were to be misunderstood b'cos it'll turn out bad anyway. Most likely I think it has to do with my personality. I find it hard to express myself with actions, especially with words. I am overly-shy and it irritates the hell outta me.
I have many problems, but I enjoyed overcoming it though. I learned many things through this experiences and no doubt, I became stronger. I felt like I was standing at the peak of the mountain way to many times and I was tempted to just jump down. But right now, the current me, will slowly walk down the mountain and make my way. Its true that there were many tough obstacles for me to go through. But without that, I won't be the "me" today.
I was broken into pieces, I was burning in flames and I was crying. It hurts having to experience this emotions but who cares? I've had enough. Ever heard of "You lose something, but you'll gain something in return." I believe in this. I'm so not gonna brood over things I've lost. Their faces occasionally appear out of a blue in my head, but I'll get over it. I'll just turn them into beautiful memories or perhaps treat it as a dream?
This post is actually just to clear off my head and giving a special thanks to my friends. I love you all. Even though I can't express this love clearly, I just want you guys to know I really love you.
This is going to be my last picture for this year.
(p.s. Took this picture right after I woke up)
I've learned to let go off things, even though I don't want to. You lose things, but isn't that part of living?
Goodbye 2012. You made me laugh, you made me cry. But it is time to move on.
This post probably bore you out, but it was my heartfelt words. I wish you guys a happy 2013!
Till next year! muacks
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