ME AND MY SCHOOL LIFE

This is going to be a confusing and messy post so put on your seat belts and get ready! I believe most of you are schooling right? I can totally understand how you feel. One word. "Sian". Maybe some of you feel excited for school but for what I know, I don't like school. 

So my previous post was about moving on and blah blah blah and there I was thinking it was easy to move on but hell no. I was wrong. I thought I can be completely okay. But you know what? I'm not okay. Everything was perfectly fine until I saw that one person. That person used to be my 24/7 text buddy. I really wonder what actually happened back then that we eventually stop contacting each other and slowly drifting apart. And of course, we're like complete strangers right now.

I recall many memories of my third year in school and I really missed it a lot. This will really bore you out but I am still gonna write it out anyways. And what you're about to read is what I really missed doing with my different ex-friends.
I miss waiting for you/you waiting for me at the mrt station to take the same train back. I miss talking to you. I miss braiding your hair. I miss slacking in the bus interchange with you. I miss having lunch with you. I miss running away tgt when we see the DM. I miss sitting together with you. I miss you coming to my house. I miss your attention. I miss your voice. I miss everything.
There is so many things that I missed. It is also kinda dumb for me to miss such things. 

So I was really heartbroken when that person deliberately ignored me. I already know that this will happened, but still......I'm upset. Is like our eyes met, but we pretended as if we didn't. We take the same train, but we pretended as if we're strangers. We walk the same pavement, but we pretended like its nothing at all. I don't know when am I going to learn to let go. But when I think to myself, "Hey. That person don't even care that you left their life. So why do you care?". So my heart finally told me to stop wasting my time. I can't tell all those things that happened to me whether if it's killing me or it's making me stronger.

I keep telling myself, "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.". The reason why am I feeling so frustrated is because I care for the person who left my life but that person................probably don't feel the same way. Why am I trying so hard to let them stay in my life? Why can't I just kick them out of my life like what they did?
It is really hard. Hard trying to stay strong for everyone around you with a fake smile that quickly goes away when you're alone. I find my words so contradicting. One moment I said I can move one and the next moment I'm like dying. WHY
Bernice ahhhhhh, stop wasting your time on people who don't care about you. WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER THAT?

Ok enough of depression. I actually think that I changed a lot. Like A LOT. I admit I used to be a bitchy girl. I get angry over those stupid things, scolding with vulgarities  I also like guys talking to me and I get all excited when they take the initiative to talk to me. Is natural right? I don't have to hide about that. I mean If I don't feel that way, it means I'm like a lesbian haha omg. But right now, the current me, I feel like I'm a different person. I'm not sure whether or not some part of me that I've changed is good or bad but I'm glad I've changed. I didn't know about this until I went to school. I don't get angry easily anymore. The people that I used to think that were irritating, I think they're pretty nice actually. I stopped defining people as "bitches'. I am not as judgmental as what I am last year. I don't feel a thing when guys talk to me. I don't put in effort in making people to notice me. I don't mind being alone.
So you see, forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Laugh a little louder, smile a little brighter. Prove to the person who walk away from you at your lowest that you can live without them. I am going too try that too. So let's find someone better out there to come into your life and remember to love yourself. Because if you don't, who will? It takes time, but it comes sooner or later. So stay strong. 

You know, actually I think I'm crazy. My blog is insanely messy. One part, I'm writing about staying strong, and the next part I'm writing things like I'm about to die. I really don't know what I'm thinking. But I think what I do know, is that I can't just fall easy. It proves to people that I'm a noob haha omg. So that's about it, call me crazy or anything but I'm really just writing what I really feel and think.