(---------------------RANTING---------------------)

Everybody changes. They become stronger, weaker. Become a happier person, sadist or I don't know haha. I don't even know what I've become to now. I've come to the state where I give no balls to the people around me. It is just so................tiring. I feel insecure when people get too attached to me, even to the person who I'm close with. I back out and find myself space, & people often mistook me as a "bad person". "Bad person" meaning that I'm just using people. Once I'm done using you, I'll throw you aside. People just see things from the outside, they don't even bother knowing what actually happened.

I'm a complicated person. Corrupted. Hard to understand. Yes I get that a lot. But to actually think my so called "friend" said that he was so glad that I found  someone as a replacement to take my bullshit. Why? Because he can't handle it. Wow. Once again, my trust towards people decreased. I see no reason why I should give my best when people don't. Everyone have problems. I have mine. I share it with someone, they go around judging. I keep quiet, they say I don't treat them as a friend. Too much for you to handle? Why did you even get close to me in the first place? You know I'm a fuck up person, yet you're still willing to hear my "bullshit". They say, "You can talk to me if you're feeling down." "I'll always be here for you." "I'll never leave." That's what they all always say. Actions speak louder than words. Those are just "air" words. You don't say it. You prove it. 

I don't take initiatives. Not anymore. Wanna talk? Someone have to start up a conversation first. Think it is too tiring for you? I'm sorry. This is who I am right now and if you don't like it then sayonara. If I don't see you trying, what makes you think I should give in my best? Always saying why I don't take initiatives? Hello you are doing the same thing. Saying you stayed? I see birds flying on my phone screen, ghost flying around me in school. You have totally no right to call me a bitch on twitter or indirecting tweet to me. I get it. It's for me. I thought you were someone different. Aww no you weren't. You were the same as everybody else. Thinking I have too many bullshits, too hard to handle, attention seeker, replacing you with somebody else, saying I didn't give in my best, thinking I'm a bitch. That totally didn't hurt. Okay carry on thinking this way. Ever seeing me scolding you a bastard? All right everything is my fault. You are right. You're the only one who is hurt. The innocent one.

I'm struggling myself to get rid of my stubborn personality of not talking to people when they get too close. And there I see you indirecting tweet about me. Who on earth will still dare talk to you when you do that? Here I am struggling doing something I never thought I would ever do and you go around doing that? You kidding me bro. Seriously, I think 1/10 people will still dare talk to that person who gave awkward stares and indirecting tweet about them. But I'm part of the 9/10. You without seeing me putting in effort, doesn't mean I didn't put in effort. 

Disappointed in you. Believing you're someone different. 
But I was wrong.